Crisis on La Terre

Gustav Eiger, former warden of the Area 16 prison facility on Earth and the mastermind behind the plasma-bomb decimation of his homeworld in the year 3000, is unmasked on La Terre, attempting to repeat his catastrophic masterpiece...

The Cabrerra Information Network logo shows on vid.

Another logo flashes on vid, with a thumping bass soundtrack that sounds stately, while at the same time urgent and time-critical. This logo reads: BREAKING NEWS!

The vid shows the planet La Terre, with the underscoring slogan: CRISIS ON LA TERRE. Then, it fades to a Grimlahdi announcer who gnashes his fangs, scrapes his claws on the news desk and says in Terran Standard: "Good evening. We are bringing you breaking news from the planet La Terre, evacuated earlier tonight by Governor Bartholomew Ritter...and, perhaps, not a moment too soon..."

The camera zooms in on the Grimlahdi newscaster, who says, "Rumors abound that the Ritter's panicked flight from the planet was owed to rumors of a coming invasion - possibly the Nall (would anyone really put that past the sneaky devils?) - but it turns out something more immediate, and closer to home, threatens La Terre..."

The Grimlahdi newscaster says, "We have a live feed from ruins beneath the planet, where the New Paris Sheriff, James Faubert, is right now. Sheriff...?" The vid switches to a shot of Sheriff James Faubert, inside a dark, stone room.

The sheriff smiles crookedly, then says, "Thanks." He crosses his arms. "Well, it's been a long time coming, and I had been hoping to put this off for a little while longer, so I could savor the possibilities. But, circumstances have conspired against me. I can't afford to let some ridiculous alien fleet do what I planned to do all along." He chuckles. He reaches up with his right hand and tugs at his face, yanking the flesh loose - and peeling it away, revealing a gaunt face underneath, with cold gray eyes and spiky white hair. "Gustav Eiger, at your service." He presses a button on a remote in his hand, and the camera lens swivels to take in an orb like object on a tripod.

The voice of the sheriff - Eiger - can be heard offscreen, while the camera remains locked on the metallic orb. "This, my friends, is a plasma bomb. And, just ten yards beneath me is an incredibly rich vein of polydenum that feeds into several different channels of polydenum throughout the crust of this continent. When this bomb detonates...it will result in a catastrophe that will mirror my masterpiece on Earth!"

K-CHUNKA...whirrrrr...

The bomb blinks as it is armed, and then the camera swivels back toward Eiger. "Don't bother trying to stop it. It is inevitable now." He grins spookily.

Eiger crosses his arms. "In 30 minutes, La Terre will be rendered uninhabitable...and the surface - well, let's just say that most of Earth's damage was to manmade structures - not the underlying crust. La Terre will be...absolutely and utterly ruined for the better part of eternity. Oh, no - don't thank me."

The camera follows Eiger as he walks over to the plasma bomb: It's rather large, about the size of a small hovercar, sitting on its tripod and blinking its lethal countdown. "It's enough knowing the horror and misery I'll cause you pitiful excuses for human beings, who cowtow to aliens and turn yourself into minions for outsider agendas!"

Eiger smiles faintly. "Oh, yes," he grimaces. "The girls. Yes, I killed them. I quite enjoyed it. Specialists." He spits the word. "Kill one, they make another. Isn't built-in obsolence grand?"

Eiger sighs. "Anyway. As much as I enjoy chatting with you...I think I'll just sit and wait for the inevitable cowboys to come rushing in, trying to save the day." He hefts an automatic rifle and leans against the tomb.

The image shifts back to the Grimlahdi newscaster, his eye membranes nictating: "Well, there you have it. La Terre, about to be blown up by the same crazy softskin who turned Earth to cinders."

The image shifts back once more to the ruins, where Gustav Eiger leans against the tomb, waiting, rifle in hand, next to a large silver orb that is scheduled to destroy La Terre - the new hope for lost Earth.

Eiger begins to whistle a ghostly tune, then stops, looks at the camera and says, "By the way: I *love* the irony of naming a street on La Terre after that conniving hypocrite, Lazarus Blades. You *do* realize that his hug-an-alien policy was just an ill-planned ruse to lure you alien freaks into a false sense of security so he could build up a military to smite you all, don't you? He was an idealist, to be sure. Just not the kind you thought he was."

Eiger shakes his head, sighing. "He had it all wrong. The answer wasn't to open Earth to outsiders - a plan like that was doomed to backfire. We should have shut everyone out. Should have kept to ourselves, like we had been doing. None of this would have happened! And..." His eyes narrow. "Don't even get me started on Sanctuary. I wish Lord Boromov had done a more thorough job of wasting that ship of sorrows!"

A few minutes pass...

Zetral arrives from Trapped Hallway.

Zetral has arrived.

Falkona arrives from Trapped Hallway.

Falkona has arrived.

Urfkgar arrives from Trapped Hallway.

Urfkgar has arrived.

Coltrane arrives from Trapped Hallway.

Coltrane has arrived.

Eiger sees the newcomers arrive, and aims his rifle at the biggest one: The Zangali. "Well, well, well: If it ain't Urf."

Falkona moves carefully into the tomb, rifle held ready. She is pale as a ghost. Her eyes move onto Eiger as he speaks, as does her rifle.

Zetral hops into the room, his assault rifle held at the ready. He takes aim and says, "I shoulda let her kill you."

Coltrane enters, looks shocked. he dodges left immediately, collides with a stone wall. look before you leap. For the moment, he is dazed.

Urfkgar snorts and starts to do some fancy foot work as the rifle's pointed at him. He says, "Shoot at him, softskins. I do not have any weapons to do so myself."

Eiger shakes his head. "Oh, hell, I don't have to shoot you, you damned moron. There's a bomb right there that will do my work for me."

Falkona barks at Eiger, "Disa'm the bomb, or you won't see it explode, Eiga'."

Eiger shrugs. "Real convincing argument, bitch. I die either way."

Urfkgar shrugs and says, "Which is why I'm asking them to shoot you. We can just take the bomb off planet when we're done." He's steadily getting closer to Eiger.

Coltrane stands, shakes his head. he looks up, levels his rifle at Eiger. "Do as she says!"

Eiger smiles at Coltrane. "Oh, sonny boy, don't wet yourself. We'll all be dead soon enough."

Falkona steps toward him, frowning. But then, she smiles, "You'a a dead fuck, Eiga'." She flexes her finger on the trigger.

Coltrane thinks a moment. He shouts to Falkona 'Ma'am! Find the detonator!"

Eiger smiles broadly, then lowers his rifle, setting it on the tomb. Then he extends his arms to either side and beams broadly: "Make your point. Then I'll make mine."

Falkona barks to the others, "Find a way to disa'm the bomb." She growls at Eiger, "Disa'm it and I let you live."

Eiger laughs. "Uh, I don't think I was shot *in the head*, you idiot!"

Falkona shrugs lightly and squeezes the trigger on her rifle, sending three pulse bolts at Eiger.

Coltrane's rifle, scope a bored straight at Eiger's face. His eyes, however, are scouring the room, for any telltale small blinking box with one big button.

Zetral glares at Eiger, the assault rifle trained on his chest. He watches the weapon being dropped. He yells, "Disarm the God damned bomb or I'll shoot you and do it myself!" As weapons fire opens behind him, he fires as well.

Urfkgar ignores Falkona. He keeps on sidling his way up to Eiger, grunting as she opens fire.

Coltrane shurgs, takes aim, fires at Eiger's chest.

Eiger is smiling beatifically as the bolts hit, and he seems almost serene - he doesn't even try to dodge. He just goes down in a heap, arms splayed out on either side, face down. The bomb continues to tick down.

Urfkgar shrugs and shakes his head as the officers shoot Eiger. He says, "I could have captured him. Now, back to the bomb business. Call Gildar down on this location, hope that was Eiger, and let's move this bomb out of the tunnels."

Coltrane stares at Eiger's crumpled body, and the bomb still armed behind him. He throws the rifle to the floor, sprints to the bomb. 'Where's the arming mechanism?"

Falkona turns toward the others, "Check the coffin!"

The bomb appears to be too large to move out of the room without disassembling it.

Coltrane stops in mid-sprint, his body inertia fighting with his CO's orders. He appraises the coffin, with an anxious eye.

Falkona says into her commlink, "Eiga's dead. We're looking for a way to disa'm the bomb."

Urfkgar snorts as he eyes the bomb and says, "How deep are we? Can we have someone dig us out?" He looks over at Zetral.

Falkona growls, "Check /in/ the coffin!"

Falkona says into her commlink, "Repeat? Static. Repeat!"

Zetral stands up, slinging the rifle back up. He moves to examine the bomb, carefully. He shrugs at Urf. "I don't know.. Maybe..."

The bomb's timer flashes: 10 minutes...9 minutes 59 seconds...

Falkona says into her commlink, "DAMMIT! REPEAT!"

Coltrane stares at the bomb. 'We don' have enough time. Find the damn arming thingy!"

Falkona jumps toward the coffin and throws it open.

Stale air hisses out of the coffin - but otherwise it appears to be devoid of anything resembling an arming device.

Falkona turns and begins searching the room. "No time to get even ou'selves out. DISA'M THE BOMB!" she screams, searching frantically.

The bomb's timer flashes: 9 minutes...8 minutes 59 seconds...

Zetral looks over the bomb, carefully, then over at the camera for a moment. He shouts, "Somebody kill the camera."

Coltrane walks over to the bomb, studies it carefully. Yep: he knows nothing about machines. "I can't find it."

Urfkgar walks over and punches the holocamera.

Coltrane whips out his pistol, takes a shot at the camera. he narrowly avoids shooting Urf.

Urfkgar turns away from the holocamera and starts to look around, grumbling about idiot softskins with guns and bombs.

There appears to be a fairly obvious control console with a code sequence keypad on the bomb.

Coltrane looks at the bomb again. One suspicious part... with a lot of wires... "Is that it?" he points.

Coltrane looks again. He then looks at the blatant console. "Or maybe that?"

Falkona turns toward the bomb and smacks herself in the face. She moves toward it. "Anyone good at cracking codes? Here's a big one," she points toward the console as well.

The bomb's timer flashes: 8 minutes...7 minutes 59 seconds...

Coltrane looks around. "Not me. Unless I c'n crack ti with this here hogleg." He hefts the pistol.

Zetral looks over at the indicated part. "Probably." He knocks his helmet off, and runs a hand through his hair, examining the controls and the visible wires. "I might be able to figure out how to disarm it..... I hope."

Falkona nods, "Wo'k on it, Cap'm. Please..." She moves away from the bomb and rips off her helmet rubbing her face.

Urfkgar shrugs and says, "I know nothing about it. Do we know anything about Eiger? What sort of numbers he liked? I do not know, but can we afford to make any wrong choices because that would probably just irritate the bomb."

Coltrane sighs, he is worthless right now. He sits on the floor and starts to disassemble his pistol, for routine cleaning.

The bomb's timer flashes: 7 minutes...6 minutes 59 seconds...

Urfkgar scratches his shoulder and says, "Well, are we going to try and disarm the bomb, or are we going to run? We can't sit here and do nothing."

Zetral hisses, and says, "The thing is, I don't know what'll happen if I'm wrong... Cut the wrong wire... and boom.. Maybe." He hisses again and runs his hand through his hair.

Falkona nods slightly, "U'f's right. We've gotta do something. Punch in a few goddam NUMBA'S!"

Coltrane chuckles. "I doubt we can outrun it, lizzie. If Zetral here can't turn it off, we're dead. Might as well try, we've only got so long to live anyhow."

Falkona says into her commlink, "No.... We're going to disa'm the bomb. We've got 6 minutes and change."

Urfkgar grunts and nods, almost smiling. He says, "Let's get it over with then. We will assist you however you wish."

Falkona says into her commlink, "Disa'm it! Disa'm it!"

The bomb's timer flashes: 6 minutes...5 minutes 59 seconds...

Zetral shrugs, and looks down at the wires and buttons. "Anybody got a favorite number or color?" He leans over to pull the dagger out of his boot.

Coltrane nods. "We'll all help. And if you don't do something soon, i'll shoot the timer out. I don't want my death to have a countdown."

Falkona frowns, "Ugh... If I remember my history, nuclear weapons had a failsafe that turned them off if shot. That's our /last/ ditch resort. Someone shoot it /once/ and only once... When I say, not befo'e. We're going to try and disa'm it first."

Coltrane nods.

Zetral closes his eyes, and takes the knife, then runs it through a bundle wires, his lips moving in a quiet prayer. It sounds as though it has something to do with never touching liqour again.

K-CHUNKA...whirrrrr...

Coltrane bites his lower lip. Blood appears.

The bomb's timer flashes over and over: 3 minutes 59 seconds...

Falkona blinks a bit at the bomb. Blood runs from her palms where she ran her fingernails straight through. After a moment, she cries out, "We did it!"

Urfkgar shrugs and says, "Apparently."

Falkona says into her commlink, "We disarmed it! We did it! We did it!"

Coltrane sighs. he remains calm. After a moment he jumps up, yelling like a madman, screaming various insults at Death and other deities.

Zetral is still has his eyes closed. He slowly opens one eye, then the other, and says, "We're not dead?" He blinks, stands up then cheers, "I did it! I did it!"

Falkona moves toward Eiger, sighing happily. She rips the badge off of him and turns back toward the others. "Good job, Cap'm. Neva' doubted ya' for a second," she smiles.

Coltrane grins, runs over to Zetral, begins pounding him on the back. 'Good job! Crazy bastard, you did it! YEEAH!"

Zetral tucks the knife back into the boot, and grins. He says, "Doc Ritter doesn't pay me enough."

Urfkgar snorts and says, "The bomb will be returned to the Martians then?" He walks over to pick up the body and the rifle.

Coltrane begins to return to a normal plane of existence. He stops dancing in the corner long enough to say "Probably. Who cares?!"

Falkona moves over and snatches up her helmet. She nods, "Aye. We should call them, soon." She moves toward Zetral and smiles, hugging the hero tightly. "Good job, kiddo." She then back up and leans against a wall.

Coltrane isn't needed anymore. He grabs his rifle from the corner and boogies on down the hall, off to enjoy his returned life.